Jeff Dunham: Achmed The Dead Terrorist

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I'm kidding. I would not kill the Jews. No. I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death! I did the same thing with 2 Catholic priests, but I tossed in a small boy! Yes! Yes! And the winner had to fight.








Achmed the Dead Terrorist: SILENCE! I KILL YOU!
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.

Jeff Dunham: Who's there?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you!
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Two Jews walk in a bar...

Jeff Dunham: No. No.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: What?

Jeff Dunham: No.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: What? You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard!


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Jeff Dunham: Look, if you've been in my suitcase all this time, how have you been getting through security at the airports?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Oh, that's easy. They open the case, and I go "Hello! I am Lindsay Lohan!"

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I'm kidding. I would not kill the Jews. No. I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I did the same thing with 2 Catholic priests, but I tossed in a small boy! Yes! Yes! And the winner had to fight Michael Jackson!

Jeff Dunham: You can't tell jokes like that!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Why not? I'm killing... so to speak!

Jeff Dunham: referring to the "suicide bomber training camp": Is that a nice facility?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: It used to be!

Jeff Dunham: What happened?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: New guy! The idiot tried to practice!

Jeff Dunham: What did you guys learn from that?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!